STATEWIDE — Every year on March 27th, country music fans and lovers of linguistic absurdity unite to celebrate one of the most delightfully niche holidays on the calendar: Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day. It’s a day to tip your hat to the poets, the heartbroken, and the genuinely unhinged wordsmiths and writers who gave us some of the most wonderfully weird song titles in music history.
Your Hometown Country US 96.3’s Traci Lee immediately thought of the song “Ticks” by Brad Paisley, because the deeper meaning is… “I wanna check you for ticks.” US 96.3’s morning show host, Gordo, couldn’t immediately pick a favorite, but said he was sure it had something to do with tractors. Well guess what, Gordo, there’s a tractor in the top 5.
Country music has always had a special relationship with the ridiculous. While other genres sometimes aim for the profound or the cool, country music has never been afraid to get specific about being silly. Where else could a man earnestly record a song called “I’ve Been Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart” (and have it be Johnny Cash, no less) and have audiences sing along like, “Yeah, I’ve been there?”
The tradition runs deep. From Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty harmonizing on “You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly” to Bobby Bare asking the Lord to “Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life,” country music has long understood that life is funny, really messy, and worth writing songs about, no matter how absurd it sounds when you call the request line.
It seems like there’s actually a philosophy buried in the silliness. Country music titles tend to be hyper-specific: It’s a particular store, a particular animal, a particular piece of farm equipment. That specificity is what makes them so funny. “She Got the Gold Mine (I Got the Shaft)” by Jerry Reed isn’t just a joke. It’s a whole divorce settlement process summarized in a jaunty little country tune.
Here’s our Top 15:
“You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly” — Conway Twitty & Loretta Lynn
“She Got the Gold Mine (I Got the Shaft)” — Jerry Reed
“I’ve Been Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart” — Johnny Cash
“Dirty Old Egg-Sucking Dog” — Johnny Cash
“She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” — Kenny Chesney
“Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye” — Carlene Carter
“I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better” — various artists
“If My Nose Was Running Money, I’d Blow It All on You” — Aaron Wilburn
“Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life” — Bobby Bare
“Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off” — Joe Nichols
“I’m Gonna Miss Her (The Fishin’ Song)” — Brad Paisley
“It Wasn’t God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels” — Kitty Wells
“One Piece at a Time” — Johnny Cash (about stealing a Cadillac part by part)
“Redneck Yacht Club” — Craig Morgan
“If You Can’t Bite, Don’t Growl” — various artists
So on March 27 of each year, while you’re two-stepping in your kitchen to the newest hits on Your Hometown Country US96.3, crying into your sweet tea over some 1994 ballad on 93.5 The Legend, or just sitting on the porch wondering why your dog looks at you like that, take a moment to appreciate the unsung heroes of country music: the title writers. The ones who looked at a blank page, thought about heartbreak, truck payments, and bad luck, and decided the only reasonable response was to take the humanity of it to the most ridiculous place possible.
Happy Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day, from Darkhorse Press.
Now go call your mama. You know she worries.
