Tara Evans had a stroke on March 11, 2024. Throughout her ordeal, God put exactly the right people in line to help her.Editor’s Note: Several months ago, we told you the story of Tara Evans of Pearl, who had a terrifying stroke on an airplane bound for North Carolina. To have a life-threatening medical emergency in a tin can thousands of feet above the Earth’s surface was not something Tara was prepared for, but thankfully, God was.
The struggle didn’t end there, by a long shot. Tara has been journaling through her process, and we are honored to publish some of her reflections and stories of survival with us here at Darkhorse Press.
By Tara Evans
I finished my article two weeks ago. I was battling several different emotions the day I sat down to write the 1322-word article. I needed to deliver the rawness that was captured with each word. I expressed my grief, sadness, and disappointment, and in the process discovered bitterness. What happened to my gratitude? God? Hello? My soul had been in revival. God? I want to be back in revival. Let me back in. Hello God?
I have always felt God’s presence with me, even as a young child. I call out His name often, especially during this last year. I have vivid memories crying out to God, and I can hear myself say, “I love you, Jesus.” I have a memory of calling out to God while I was at the University of Maryland Medical Center and vaguely recall Bryan confirming.
Maybe I was dreaming. Does it matter? I was talking to God after my stroke, and my relationship became so intimate until it wasn’t. I lost focus. I let go of God’s hand.
I recall a story I wrote about an unrecognizable woman. Someone that found herself lost in a maze, where there was no light and the noise was deafening. A woman who lost control of herself, struggled with outbursts and impulsive behavior. Sadly, she was completely aware of everything but had no sense of power to stop these actions. That woman was me. I was so desperate to reconnect with my family, but I was trapped.
When I tried to move, the darkness would paralyze me with fear. If I mustered enough courage to try again, the noise would disorient me. That was until I learned to get quiet and still. In that time, God led me through the maze. God allowed me to endure my struggle so I could fully embrace my understanding of silence in God’s presence.
I’ve lost sight of so many things over the past few months. I have tiptoed and been silenced. I forgot about me. I need to love myself and know that I am important. I focused on other things and drifted away from my compass…God. I allowed broken relationships, loss of self-worth, being unloved, hurt feelings, negligence, and medical inconsistencies to deviate me from my path of peace. It took me writing a 1322-word article and fractured relationships to fully recognize that I was engulfed in a world I no longer felt comfortable in. So, I took a walk, and I listened to “The Story I’ll Tell” by Maverick City Music and Naomi Raine. As I walked, I wept, and I waited to hear God talk to me.
There are times in life when you have to let go. I have experienced a great deal of hurt since my strokes. I know the weight of the emotions I’ve been holding on to is too heavy to continue to drag with me. I choose to be happy. That means I have to put certain things on a shelf for a later date and unpack them when I am ready. It is also the season of forgiveness. Cancel the darkness and the noise again and walk in the stillness. I do have a story to tell. I have a wonderful story to tell. God allowed me to live, and I am going to tell my story to anyone who wants to listen.
I have to learn to forgive the people who have been missing from my life during my recovery. I need to remember to walk with God daily and not get lost in worldly things, the chaos. Lead, guide, and direct me all the days of my life, God.
(Psalms 51:10) God, create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Bryan, remember faithfulness and the story of Job. God is always faithful. I love you.
Sending love to all!
