Tara Evans had a stroke on March 11, 2024. Throughout her ordeal, God put exactly the right people in line to help her.Editor’s Note: Several months ago, we told you the story of Tara Evans of Pearl, who had a terrifying stroke on an airplane bound for North Carolina. To have a life-threatening medical emergency in a tin can thousands of feet above the Earth’s surface was not something Tara was prepared for, but thankfully, God was.
The struggle didn’t end there, by a long shot. Tara has been journaling through her process, and we are honored to publish some of her reflections and stories of survival with us here at Darkhorse Press.
By Tara Evans
The alarm rang, and I quickly hit snooze. Before the second alarm buzzed, Alexander calmly entered the room to inform Bryan something was leaking, and water was covering the hallway and kitchen floor. When I grabbed my phone to disable my alarm, I noticed a message from Samuel: “For breakfast, just make me some cereal.”
I wanted to make my baby something to eat, but I couldn’t get to the pantry or the milk. I also needed to get up and help Bryan with the massive mess. I jumped in to offer another set of hands so Bryan could get ready for work and be on his way. I sensed his frustration, and when I offered to help, he said, “I got it.” He continued to move things around, and I got to work assembling the things I needed to clean the mini-hazmat disaster Bryan was determined to master himself.
Thankfully, he realized it was time to take Samuel to school. This allowed me time to clean up the mess that had been slowly having a little party in our kitchen while we
slept. I worked diligently, yet quickly, so most of the sloppy mess was squeaky clean once he returned home. I was already anticipating the feelings of anger, burnout, frustration, financial strain, and complete disconnect that Bryan was struggling with. I thought, “A dang refrigerator is going to be the end of everything for this man.”
Bryan has been breaking his back to support me and the boys financially. There is no GoFundMe account or disability check. We are not married. He pays two mortgages, insurance for me and the boys, all the utilities, groceries, medical bills, college expenses, the never-ending baby Samuel list, and everything a spouse and father would take care of.
That is a lot on a man. I am so thankful. I have always expressed my appreciation and gratitude, even before my strokes. Cultivating gratitude and praising your partner is invaluable. I can see how tired Bryan has become. The mental, physical, emotional, and financial strain my strokes have put on him is visible. He has been left to care for me all on his own. Thankfully, he has the support of his incredible mother, Mrs. Lynn.
But today started out slippery, and it was the first day in months I felt lonely. Today I am lonely and scared.
I am lonely for the person I once was and for the person I am right now, this moment. Today is a struggle. But today, I am going to be vulnerable to those who read my story.
I don’t feel like I carry any value. I fail at communicating. I fail at a simple hello. I fail at remembering. Before my strokes, I worked and maintained the house. I was a working woman. Now, I just take care of the home. I live within 4 walls, and life passes me by, and that is my life. Yet, I am thankful, and I voice my gratitude and watch when everyone else leaves each morning to enjoy living in the world.
Most days, I am happy, but today, I am sad and lonely. I’m so afraid I’ve become a burden. I wear a smile on my face and share a story of how I overcame a mental hell, but now, I watch while my rock crumbles before me.
Today is the first day in months that I have struggled. I know I deserve a good cry and I deserve to be able to express my feelings without backlash and negative comments. I don’t complain about losing my independence or watching life play out in real time, but today, I had a bad day, and I realized I might not always have someone to share those days with. It feels like it’s too much for all of us for me to have a bad day and shed a tear.
My faith is steady and strong. There will be moments when we struggle. I have been through the struggle before, and I know what is waiting for me once I go through the struggle. I will follow you, God, and I will continue praying for strength and deliverance for my family. That is faith. Faith is hard and difficult, but when you finally feel the hand of God touch you, there is nothing but faith. I need God’s gentle touch now.
Today was hard, and I got lonely. I was lonely until I started writing, and I remembered I was alive. I remembered I could share my story, my journey. I have this amazing opportunity, and I am here today, but someone else’s loved one isn’t. So, did I have a hard day? I did. I absolutely did. I am going to have some difficult days because my life is different now. I will have to find my way to compensate to earn my way. I will not be an emergency department nurse again or a Director of an Outpatient Clinic, but God will lead me on my new path.
The trajectory of my life journey is way off course, but I have to remember it never belonged to me. It belongs to God, and I will follow His direction. I know the storms will come, and the chaos and noise will follow. In those difficult moments, I have learned to get quiet and still. It is during the times I feel most alone, abandoned, or misunderstood that God scoops me up and reminds me that I am never alone. I always learn a few valuable lessons during my one on one time with Him.
I thought I would always be a nurse. God loudly told me to go in that direction on April 26, 2002. I listened then, and I will listen now.
Bryan, I am forever grateful for everything you do for me and the boys.
To all the men and women that have survived a brain injury, be kind to yourself. Sending love to all.
